I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize