I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
Randomize
