Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
Randomize
