I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
Randomize
