Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
