Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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