I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
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