i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
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