he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Randomize
