For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
Randomize