I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
