I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
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