I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
