Your dad touched me again.
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Randomize
