He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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