I love black thongs
my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
