He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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