I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize
