Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
Randomize