nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Randomize