Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
no more duck duck goose at the bar
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
Randomize
