She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
Randomize
