Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
Randomize
