I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
