my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
