The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
