just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
How many fucks given?
0.12846
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize