I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
