I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
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