she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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