Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize