i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
I think I sprained my soul last night
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
Randomize
