Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
