He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
