I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
Randomize
