I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Randomize
