Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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