be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
Randomize
