When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
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