At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
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