i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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