So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
Randomize
