I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
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