I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
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