o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
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