apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
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