if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
COCAINE IS GR8
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Randomize
