Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
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