Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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