my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
Randomize
