We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
i love accidental penises.
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
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