I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
