Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Randomize
