I wish I could teleport
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
Randomize
