Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
