the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
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