the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
Randomize
