The maid of honor just puked.
I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
Randomize