You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Randomize
