I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
She has the best kind of daddy issues
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
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