we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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