At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
Randomize
