i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
he thought i was a dude.
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize