dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
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