something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
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