last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
Randomize
