With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
Randomize