there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
Randomize
