I never noticed this but I have a beauty mark on my labia minora
Please tell me how you discovered this.
I was looking in the mirror snooping around
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize