If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
