I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
