that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
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