I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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