im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
Randomize
