dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize
