it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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