Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
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