I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
Randomize
