That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
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