I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
Randomize
