Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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