I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
