i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
