Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
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