It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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