i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
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