Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
Randomize
