I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
We had to coat check the pizza.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
