drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Randomize
