Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
