this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
Randomize
