that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
