If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
The adults are the big ones right?
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Randomize
