Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
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