So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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