even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
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