i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
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