I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
I love having hate sex.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
Randomize
