My friends, they love my intelligence
Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
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