I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
Randomize
