Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
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