In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
Randomize
