Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
